"Is that the kind of man you need? Loquacious type?"

"Fair point, lieutenant."

"Then I usually get a second wind. Like last week I went and played intramural basketball with some friends and the first game I played I just got so tired. But after like a five minute break I played the second game and I felt just fine the whole time. So I'm thinking the 0.7 miles there might be kind of tough, but I should be okay on the way back."
"Mm, yeah."

-------------------------

"It's not sad enough. No pathos. No real and true pain. You don't know what it's like do you?"
"I thought you wanted me to just--"
"No. I didn't. I didn't want you to 'just' anything. This isn't 'just' a piece. It's everything. Which is why you can't play it."

-------------------------

"What do you mean?"
"I don't know"
"Well, how do you feel?"
"I almost don't. Maybe it's not even a darkness that's coming over me. I think I'm just aware of all the dark things that surround us all and that none of us really notice."
"Hm."

"You know how fish are supposed to be able to see more colors than us?"
"Yeah. Lots of animals can I think."
"Well it's like that."
"And that's why you're sad?"
"No, well. It's just how it gets to me. I just can't escape it. Everywhere I turn I feel it or see it or whatever. Everywhere I step it's seeping up through my shoes and everywhere I go it's turning my skin dark. And I can't help but feel sad, very sick and kind of sad."

-------------------------

"=)

I like all kinds of books.

And magazines, and newspapers, and signs.

I'll just about read anything.

My favorite books teach me things, like textbooks, or take my mind to new places. I can remember the best books fondly weeks and months after I've read them. Books like Fahrenheit 451 and The Perks of Being A Wallflower that leave lasting impressions.

I think I find that mostly in science fiction--Asimov--but I've read and enjoyed a lot of the classics as well: Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, Conrad's The Heart of Darkness, Shakespeare's Hamlet.

I can't wait to meet new people and read more books.

=)"

I wrote this on a profile for an account at a book-related website sometime when I was 18.

Only two or so years have passed and yet I feel so different. Every year I look back with disbelief at who I was.

In a year or two I'll accidentally trundle across this web-log and think, "Did I really write that?"

Critical

"What is that... on her head?"
"That's her hair!"
"What in the world? These pop stars are getting crazy these days."
"How could anyone think that looks good? I just don't get it."
"It's flaming red, ain't it?"
"She's just begging us, 'Look at me! Look at me!' She really wants our attention."
"I just wanna know how she got that thang to stand up."

Sigh, I wanted to interject, but in looking back, I'm glad I kept my mouth closed.
Kind of broke my heart, though. I really like her music. It's not pop, either, it's electronic dance-pop. And I think the point is that it doesn't look "good". That's why we have mohawks, too.

Anyways. I am a hypocrite. Because I'm critical, too. But I'm trying not to be. I've been so critical for so long, that I can't enjoy the things I normally would if I weren't so judgmental.

Nightway

Driving on the interstate at night puts me at ease.

I am a homunculus of the object with which I am travelling in.

My ordinary mind-body dichotomy shifts as I become an entity that is hurtling through space 130 feet per second. Through darkness, I am channeled by strips of light.

With no resistance, I let the potential between my initial and final positions act on me, increasing my velocity to comparatively infinite.

I think this is how super-conducted electrons must feel.

Conventions

There's a blurry line between standards and conventions.

I embrace standards. They are what enable us to play DVD's in different DVD players. Shoot cameras with different (and yet compatible) films or memory cards. A standard just put into effect insures that I'll be able to use my friend's phone charger when I forget mine at my apartment.

But conventions are a little different. Sometimes "convention" and "standard" overlap. But when I think of standard I think: tested, researched, analyzed, criticized, debated, proven. When I think of convention I think: unoriginal, complacent, unoptimized, possible inefficient.

I hate conventions. I hope I question just about everything. For instance, by convention, people build houses out of concrete, wood, fiberglass insulation, red-brick, glass, drywall, paint, plywood, nails and screws, etc. When really, you could make the foundation of a house a mixture of dried clay, sand, and some sort of organic adhesive like horse manure. Non-toxic, sculptable, and even free depending on the site of the house. But why don't we see more earthen houses? Where I'm from people would think it's weird, unorthodox, primitive, impractical, or ugly. But using a little creativity and a little muscle, you can make really beautiful living spaces with the stuff, just google images for "earthen house".

Also, by making a smaller house, you'd have less to house to maintain, freeing your time for other more fun/productive activities.

There are plenty of other silly conventions. Like friends dining out less for food and more for entertainment. I'm guilty and to an extent I condone that, but it's just cheaper to make your own dinner. And I would hope my conversation and friendly presence would be enough to entertain my friends.

I won't even get started on school and work. What are some conventions you think are silly/inefficient, or maybe, what are some conventions you think are very important and we should not defy?